Life After Loss

September 7, 2025

Today marks the official start of our IVF journey.

This morning, I took my first birth control pill — which, I know, sounds strange. But it’s a necessary part of the process. The pill helps prevent any dominant follicles from taking the lead so that all my follicles can grow in sync, increasing our chances of retrieving multiple healthy eggs.

It’s both exciting and surreal to finally be here. This is our reality now. After a stressful week filled with fear and grief, we’re moving forward — even when the emotions feel overwhelming.

Okay, this might be TMI, but I promised myself I’d be honest: my periods have always been like clockwork. The only times they’ve ever been late were during my pregnancies. So, when September 2nd came and went with no period, I panicked. At first, I thought — is this a sign? Are we not supposed to move forward with IVF?

By September 3rd, still no period. My mind spiraled. What if they didn’t actually remove my fallopian tubes during my c-section? What if what they showed me in that little cup wasn’t what I thought? Could I actually be pregnant?

I know it sounds wild. But grief, fear, and hope can twist your thoughts in strange ways. September 4th arrived, still no period, and I was angry. I had meticulously planned time off from my classroom for the five morning appointments I’d need during this process. Now, everything would need to be rearranged.

Please bear with me — I know it all sounds dramatic, but this is how my mind works. I started wondering: if people receive signs or whispers from God, couldn’t the opposite be true? Could this delay be a warning to stop, to turn around, to reconsider?

Grief had me second-guessing everything. I felt like the enemy was whispering that I wasn’t meant to be a parent again — that I wasn’t good enough, that I don’t deserve this.

I’m not someone who enjoys surprises. I thrive on schedules, structure, and plans. The past five months have been anything but that. So when things felt uncertain, I started seeing “signs” everywhere. I even had my husband ask our pastor if a delayed period could be a message from God. He gently reminded us: God’s timing is always perfect.

That same day, one of my closest friends sent me a photo of her daughter holding a book she had just picked out and fallen in love with — Pete the Cat. Just days earlier, I had mentioned that book. It felt like a small, sweet nudge — a reminder that God was near. I told her about the doubts creeping in, and she reassured me: God’s timing is perfect, and the enemy loves to plant fear and confusion.

That night, I read the words of Psalm 31:14–16:

“But I trust in you, Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.”

This verse reminded me that my life — this journey — isn’t ruled by fear or circumstances. It’s guided by God’s sovereign plan and perfect timing. 

And wouldn’t you know it — on September 5th, my period finally came. I was able to message the clinic and update my calendar. Nothing had to change, except that I’ll now be on birth control for a few fewer days. All that anxiety… and everything stayed the same. It was yet another reminder that no matter how much I try to control things, that’s not my job. God is in control — not me.

We believe in the power of prayer, and we know we’re not walking this path alone. If you feel led, we would love for you to join us in praying over the days ahead.

-For a successful egg retrieval and healthy embryos.

-For physical and emotional strength through treatment.

-For financial provision, peace, and clarity.

-For God’s will to be done in our lives

Today is the start of this new, scary chapter of our life.